So have you kids heard of the games called Rockband and Guitar Hero? It’s that video entertainment device that makes it appear you can play instruments when in reality you can’t at all. The best part is that it costs as much as buying real instruments and takes just as long to learn how to play.
They even made a travel Guitar Hero for Nintendo DS. I think its great because I was wondering what I could do on the subway to make it look, from a distance, like I’m furiously masturbating with two hands. Just place that portable game console near the crotch and its game time.
But I’m not content with profusely sweating over a video game and being creepy on public transportation. I want the instrument-based gaming to expand into more specialized fields. I would love to see Orchestral Percussion Hero, where you have to play through the wood block and chime stages before advancing to Timpani drums. I envision a lot of instrumental Christmas songs in the initial stages with the story mode culminating with a triumphant 1812 overture (but you have to use a regular controller if you don’t by the giant Bluetooth cannon expansion pack).
I think that schools should increase their funding of virtual music classes; to help children as they move on to high school and college. Primary classes would line up in folding chairs and play Recorder Band. If they lift up their recorders after the second verse of “Hot Cross Buns” the kiddies get double gold stars.
People argue that the huge interest in music-based games is only good for our nation’s youth (and older people who should get full time jobs too, I suppose). Not only are games like Guitar Hero exponentially less awkward to watch as Dance Dance Revolution, but it increases interest in the arts. More kids will learn to play guitar for real as a result of the games. Children that learn to read music, play music, etc do better in math and science. Rockband could solve our nation’s problem of atrocious standardized test scores. Guitar Hero is truly leaving no child (that has upwards of $300 for the necessary gaming systems and accessories) behind.
The strange thing is, as ridiculous as the culture that surrounds the game is, I agree. Sure most of the music that comes on the game sucks and the last thing I think America needs is a bunch of little jerks that love Marshall Stacks and shredding. But I’ll admit it’s better than having a bunch of little jerks that love Tom Clancy and blowing up people who are different than them.

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