It’s a very special time for us here at buzz. As you may have guessed by the content of this entire issue, we are telling the world what is the best of everything in our Mary-Kate and Ashley of a community. Oh, and I mean classic Olsen twins, around the time of The Adventures of Mary Kate & Ashley: The Case of the Sea World Adventure, if you know what I mean. I also mean to evoke the image of the twins as their 1995 selves, so as to suggest that Champaign-Urbana are the little twin cities. Aren’t they cute? Look how well they recite fed lines!
What’s considered “the best” is determined by votes sent in by you the readers. That’s really great and democratic, but I have my own plans and my own opinions to voice. So here are Brian’s best!
Best Record Store
Let’s say you want the latest Carrie Underwood but you also really want Mika’s album Life in Cartoon Motion … what do you do? Best Buy! Oh my god, but let’s also say you want some cool underground stuff like Alkaline Trio and My Chemical Romance, where can you go? Best Buy, dummy! While you’re there you can pick up printer ink so you can print out some hott Jonas Brothers pics you scored on a Google image search too!
Best Record Store to not Give Your Money to
Why on earth would you want to go to an independently-owned record store that has an awesome, eclectic selection of new and used CDs and vinyls? I would say if you did that you were an entirely offensive human being. So definitely don’t go to Exile on Main Street. I mean, I doubt they even have any Carrie Underwood and I guarantee they don’t have Blake Stubbs’ debut, Audio Day Dream. Let me save you the trouble, don’t go.
Best Concert of the Academic Year
No explanation needed, Okkervil River, Catfish Haven, etc. during the Pygmalion Music Festival. This is how I generally look at a concert (even one I really like):
This is what I looked like at that show:
(insert flailing limbs)
Best Concert I didn’t Attend
I hadn’t gone grocery shopping in a long time, and I didn’t have any food in my pantry except wheat bread and Nilla Wafers. My friends were like, “Brian, Let’s got to Chili’s.”
“But guys I really want to see O’Death. They’re one of my favorite new bands and Seth Fein sent me an email telling me how he booked them and heard of them through a column I wrote.”
“But Brian,” they said “The doors open at 7 and they won’t play till, like, 9. They’re headlining aren’t they?” So I went with them, because I was hungry, and then they dropped me off at The Canopy Club. Rock Plaza Central was playing. I paid for my ticket and eagerly waited for O’Death to come on as the headlining act. But then RPC stopped playing and no one was setting up after them and I asked a dude if O’Death played already.
“Yeah man, they were really good.”
And that’s why I toss and turn at night.
Best use of Emoticons in a Student Column in This Issue:
Brian McGovern, for his innovative use of the letter “Q” to simultaneously indicate udder confusion and pure bliss in the column “Spin It Round, Flip It and Reverse It.”