Reese and Ryan, Britney and Kevin, the Republican Party and control of Congress – the past weeks have been plagued by heart-wrenching, world-tearing breakups. We here at Spin It are wallowing in ways we didn’t think possible. Tragedy and turmoil unseen has been thrust before our eyes. In honor of such cataclysmic events (and to hold everyone off until K. Fed’s Nick Lachey-like break-up ballad), Carlye and Brian are picking their most fantastic four break-up songs.
4. The Mountain Goats, “Get Lonely”: The title track from the Goats’ most recent album, “Get Lonely,” may be the saddest song I’ve ever heard. It sounds like a man slowly speaking in between sighs as he tries to maintain composure. The verses go through the details of a mundane day until he is reminded of his lost love, and slow and simple strings come in like a screwed and chopped version of the Pyscho-score. It’s the perfect song for those who don’t want to smile for an entire day.
3. The Streets, “Get Out of My House”: For some reason, people don’t love The Streets like I love The Streets. Not quite rapping, the unique sound makes you love it or hate it (a la Lady Sovereign,
I suppose). “Go, get out of my house, please.” The grimy beats ring as a woman raps and rips into Streets vocalists, Mike Skinner. The back and forth is hilarious in a Fawlty Towers/people-with-British-accents-are-always-funny way. “I’ll never darken your towers again,” finishes Skinner. It’s the perfect song to remind us that the other person is always wrong.
2. Okkervil River, “Happy Hearts”: Okkervil River and Daniel Johnston team up to explain the obvious – we are all looking for love. They also pose the tough questions: “When will broken hearts know when to heal?” Though far from thought-provoking, this song gets me every time.
1. Cher, “Believe”: This is the pinnacle of break up songs. The beat, the drive, the Cher; it all blends into a tasty drink, best served while dancing! Everyone knows that moving and sweating in a glitter top, amongst strobe lights and gyrating bodies is the best way to get over a ruined relationship … it’s time tested, Cher approved.
1. Stars, “The Big Fight”: This song captures the post-breakup conversation. You know the, “let’s casually talk about what went wrong while still avoiding exactly how we feel” chat. But this is depressing, and I don’t have emotions, so I’m going to skip to the next one…
2. Nickel Creek, “Somebody More Like You”: This is my favorite stage of a relationship’s demise – crushing that lovey-dovey spell you’ve been under and realizing what a fuck your ex-significant other is. Friends come out of the woodwork to repeat the phrase, “you’re so much better than him” and overuse adjectives such as “tool,” your family reiterates their hate for him/her (even though they never mentioned it before) and your best friend drags over a still-kind-of-ugly-even-after-six-vodka-shots dude at the bar for you to rebound with. As the Creek puts it, “I hope you find someone your height/so you can see eye-to-eye/with someone as small as you.” Burn!!!
3. 2gether, “The Hardest Part of Breaking Up (Is Getting Back Your Stuff)”: This one’s for you, Kevin Federline. The feelings have dwindled, and all you care about now is getting your shit back – I, for one, still have a New Trier Prom T-shirt and a bonus disk of Elf floating around somewhere. But, on the flipside, don’t you love scoring cool shit as a “we’re over” bonus? I have a bracelet made of pennies that I wear daily, and my friend just breakup-stole a sweet vintage M&M’s T-shirt. I guess relationships are just like shopping sprees with sexual benefits…
4. John Mayer, “I’m Gonna Find Another You”: There are a few things in life that I never want to be – a professional Irish dancer, a beekeeper, ugly, a DMV worker or the girl this song is written about. There’s no better way to tell an ex that you’re beyond done with them than by saying, “If I’m forced to find another/I hope she looks like you/and she’s nicer too” or, “Oh, now I’m gonna dress myself for two/one’s for me, one’s for someone new/I’m gonna do some things you wouldn’t let me do/I’m gonna find another you.” Nicely put.
That, my friends, is how to musically get over a breakup. If you’re still sad, remember – you’re too good, you’re better off this way, being single isn’t bad at all and his new girlfriend is a butterface. So, to the K-Feds and Rumsfeld’s of the world – good luck, and happy rebounding!